I have quit Smoking... I hope.

It has now been two weeks since my last cigarette. As of this moment the withdrawals and mood swings have been very easygoing, which allows me the feeling this attempt it will be successful. Although this endeavor is different as at the core as it is not being forced upon me by some shame I feel. The desire to quit has been with me for sometime now, however addiction has prepared countless excuses for me to justify my actions. The greatest of these was my wife, as she is too a smoker. Having thought on occasion when she quit then I would also, as quitting even as one of us still smoked would only result in failure.

Two weeks ago while in sacrament meeting I declined partaking of the sacrament, lowered my head and began to commune with God. Eight months ago I began actively attending church again and this has been my SOP each time. During the week I try and remember to pray, although most times it is in vain, which makes this ten minute period when the priesthood passes the sacrament special to me. As this time is the only real time he and I are able to talk.

I was chitchating with him concerning my own personal issues with the economy, employment, and desires. When out of the blue my thoughts turned to the family sitting to my left. This family has a small child with a brain tumor; the child is on the last available treatment for his condition as all others have failed. This family is being supported by the members of the ward for things like food and basic finances as the cost of medical treatments have taken there toll. My thoughts then shifted to the family seated behind me which I have grown close too. They have seven children, with the housing market and economy they have been unable to pay their homes mortgage for nearly five months. I then began to consider what these two families must be enduring and I began to silently cry.

Looking inwards again my own issues became insignificant. I lowered my head further and closed my eyes tightly trying not to draw attention to my tears. I composed myself and reflected on my own hardships. I was filled with happiness for the hardships bestowed as I have been given the power to endure all things which I will be confronted with in this life. There is nothing in this life that you or I will ever be confronted that we can not overcome if you stand sure. I am genuinely finding the happiness and meanings in my obstructions they are now no longer a fear, I am comforted in my trails. It seems so cliché yet it was a personal revelation to me. This week I have seen a change in myself that I only hope others see in me as well. Since this happened I have not had the desire to smoke it was not a planned event, I just stopped.